Document: WM-053                                                 P. Webb
Category: Life                                                2022.04.24

                    Things I learned from my parents

Abstract

   It’s not all bad

Body

   When you’re a kid, the people you look up to tend to be your own
   parent(s)/legal guardian(s). The older you get, the more you realize
   your parents and other adults are very much floundering, trying to
   figure things out. As your own life experiences grow, you may look
   back on your childhood with resentment and wonder if your parents
   were intentional in their harm, or oblivious. I’ve spent far too much
   time dwelling on the past and keeping grudges. An unfortunate truth
   that’s gotten me past that is realizing my parents most likely do not
   remember how their actions and/or words affected me. While I’m
   simmering over events that transpired a decade or more prior, they’re
   living their lives — watching TV, doing laundry, figuring out what to
   eat, &c.

   I know now I was willingly engaging in mental self-harm.

   Yesterday, I had a bit of back-and-forth with my father about
   COVID-19 in the family group chat. Mask mandates, vaccine
   effectiveness, "narratives," "COVID fear messaging and marketing,"
   the works. Needless to say, the conversation devolved into petty
   remarks so I stopped responding (ironically, my father stated he
   wanted respect for his views while gaslighting me for mine, but
   I digress).

   I won’t lie, the conversation bothered me. It feels like I lost my
   father to Fox News and conspiracy websites with dubious sources, one
   of which he presented as wholly factual and apparent proof of
   my idiocy.

   My relationship with my parents have not been the best but in recent
   years I’ve been trying to work through my issues with being close to
   them for the reasons mentioned at the top of this post. But uh,
   wow…it was relatively easy to slide back into those negative thoughts
   I used to have. Too easy.

   I awoke today, refreshed and, thinking about how I used to see my
   parents when I was a young kid. After all, I am a product of
   their teachings, intentional and otherwise.

   What I learned from my father:

   - It takes two people to argue (the irony is not lost on me).
   - Ensure doors and windows are closed and locked before heading
     to bed.
   - There are no new problems in the world. If you have a problem,
     someone’s written a book about it.
   - Look someone in the eye when shaking their hand.
   - If you have something to say, be clear. Say it with your chest.
   - Hard work and dedication is how you get things done.
   - Being responsible is the single best trait you can have.
   - Games are good.

   What I learned from my mother:

   - Don’t ever let someone tell you you can’t do something.
   - To say "I’m sorry" is to say, "I’m a sorry person." "I apologize,"
     is better.
   - Art is good.
   - Techno is good.
   - Be yourself.

   What I learned from both my parents:

   - Parenting doesn’t end just because a marriage does.
   - No one escapes consequences.
   - Every person in the world is trying their best with the cards
     they’re dealt.
   - Racism sucks, is stupid, and definitely doesn’t make sense.
     Especially since Black people built this country (America).
   - I can do anything I put my mind to.
   - The truth shall set you free.

   We are all shaped by the experiences life either politely sends or
   violently throws our way. Much of the sadness we feel when thinking
   of the past is the fact that the people we miss from back then are
   not the same people we know now. Sure, they may respond to the same
   name, and may even have the same phone number, but we are all
   changing, all the time.

   For better or worse. 🕸